Stuck in the ’70s — It’s About Time You Came Back!

Well, I had a bad few days there, but all is well now.

While recuperating from surgery, there’s not a whole lot one can do — except turn into Jack Nicholson from “The Shining.” So, I’ve parked my ass in front of the television A LOT.

Seeing all this hullabaloo about the Beijing Olympics (testing for steroids, testing to make sure competitors are the gender they say they are, pollution in China, the 41-year-old swimming mom whose coach has fallen ill) makes me long for “The Battle of the Network Stars.”

Now, THERE’S sports worth watching. Celebrity T&A (and D).

CBS’ Tom Selleck in a Speedo atop the starting block at the pool; Richard Hatch (the REAL one, from ABC’s “Streets of San Francisco” — not the fat, naked gay guy from “Survivor”) sweating in his blue Addidas shorts, thigh muscles rippling in the relay race; Leif Garrett looking tossled after jumping the hurdles; and yes, Farrah’s hair staying gorgeous in the tug of war even while she’s wearing white knee socks with a couple of blue stripes at the top (where ARE the young chicks finding those now?).

But, probably the episode most of us remember is when Robert Conrad threw a hissy fit. I couldn’t stand that guy. I hated his commercials. “Knock this battery off my shoulder. I dare ya!”

I’ll knock yer head off yer @!#*! shoulders, ya frickin’ !@#&*!

The situation was the relay race. ABC’s team captain was Mr. Kotter, Gabe Kaplan. The team included actors from “Happy Days,” “Laverne & Shirley,” “Streets of San Francisco,” and “Charlie’s Angels.” Conrad was on NBC’s team. Shoot, the only things I watched on NBC were “CHiPs” (LOVED to watch Erik Estrada on “Battle of the Network Stars” — be still my heart) and “Saturday Night Live.” “Kojak’s” Smelly Savalas was the captain for CBS. That team included, hell, I don’t know — who else was there but Thomas?

I found a clip of this on You Tube, of course. It starts off with ol’ cigarette-puffin’, shades-wearin’ baldy Smelly Savalas talking to Howard “Get this thing off my head” Cosell. It’s about 9 minutes long, but definitely worth a peek. By the way, I still have my huge poster of Selleck in his Speedo on the starting block plastered to our bedroom wall. Don isn’t offended because he thinks it’s one of the Scrubbing Bubbles.

Conrad Vs. Kaplan

Put this URL in your Browser and smoke it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqWU9huMMco

Meanwhile, back at the ranch …

I finally got a video of Don & his buddy approved for upload. Well, sorta. I showed it to them, and they both liked it, but they want to do it again — the right way. Don told Old Fartt #2, “It’s more of a showcase of Julie’s talents than ours.”

As I showed it to them, I couldn’t argue with that, and I take absolutely no offense. My role is writer, director, videographer, film editor, sound engineer, producer and fan base. They’re “the talent.” (more demanding than the Monkees for gosh sakes)

So … they are in the process of honing their skills. I’ve provided them with a Large Print copy of the lyrics, and the 2 Old Farttz are gonna “do it right” for the second version of this video. I’m allowed to present it here so long as I let the viewers/readers/public/world know, “It gets a WHOLE lot better than this.”

OK. That being said, check out this video from an impromptu jam session in our living room a week ago tonight. Let me know what you think.

2 Old Farttz Jam

I can’t seem to get the videos to embed, so copy and paste this address into another tab on your browser, and enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_TqcKhqJO4

It’s 104 on the porch.
Stay cool,
Julie
12:10 p.m. 8/1/08